August 18, 2011 Home Again!

Well, it’s official!  Donna Benedict has returned home after a total of 104 days in the hospital/rehabilitation facility!  Not that anyone is counting!  ;0) to those of you who know how OCD/numbers-oriented Mom and Dad are . . . It has been an interesting 10 days of semi-controlled chaos, with many ups and downs.  A few examples:

The Ups – being mobile at home, a beautiful new bedroom and bathroom, tons of birthday mail from great folks like you, a sweet church family, great neighbors, pretty weather, etc.

The Downs – already having a little fall at home, new meds from a different doc, still no furniture, piles of bills, way-less-than-fabulous insurance/payments, appliance woes (we are doing the cooler and ice routine as refrigeration), adjusting to Team Donna now being very small relative to what was experienced in the hospital/rehabilitation facility, etc.

If Mom and Dad were my only responsibility, I think I’d be ok, maybe.  But there are a few others with their own unique needs clamoring for a little space in my brain/on my calendar.  And in the midst of Mom’s homecoming/re-entry, we’ve had company for  6 days. But it’s been really fabulous company, breath-of-fresh-air company, life-giving company.  Our old pastor and his wife from many moons ago in Dallas came to see us.

**How grateful I am for people who know us well and come in and out of our lives at just the right time.**  After many conversations from boundary issues to the art of taking care of aging parents (I highly recommend Mary Pipher’s book “Another Country:  Navigating the Emotional Terrain of our Elders”) to what it really means to rest to the idea of liminality to the incredible nature of the human brain (here I highly recommend the movie “Temple Grandin” starring Claire Danes), the biggest takeaway was a reminder of how incredibly fallen the world is and how I should quit being so surprised by it!

The fall turned the world completely upside down.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as God intended it at creation.  Nothing escaped the fall.  So when my frustration simmers at every obstacle, every roadblock, I’m only experiencing what comes naturally as a result of the upside-downness. And what comes naturally is NOT life-giving – chronic anger, knee-jerk judgment, relational distance, lack of rest, etc.

The call is to move from a reactionary ‘natural’ response to one more in line with Jesus’ proactive example in Heb. 12:1-2.  ”Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles (my natural non life-giving responses to a fallen world). And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Jesus was deliberate – he chose to physically endure the cross.

Jesus was intentional – he chose to mentally eschew shame.

Jesus was counter-intuitive – at every turn his choices reflected his knowledge that the world is completely upside down, completely fallen and in need of redemption.

Please pray that we can be life-giving to each other by making deliberate, intentional, counter-intuitive choices as we navigate this fallen world.

 

 

August 2, 2011 Happy 76th Birthday, Mom! (2 days early . . . )

In honor of Mom’s birthday, I’ve compiled a list of things I’ve learned from her similar to the account I wrote for Father’s Day recalling what Dad has taught me. In random order, I give you ‘the list’ and I give it to you 2 days early because Mom values preparedness and punctuality (and even getting things done ahead of time!).

1.  Extra food is NOT to be referred to as ‘left-overs’; they’re ‘planned-overs’!

2.  Cleanliness is of supreme importance.  (I had no idea how much she taught me about cleanliness until I went to nursing school and realized I’d known everything in Nursing 101 about handwashing and clean technique since I was very young!)

3.  Wash and moisturize your face faithfully – it will keep you looking young!

4.  Garage sales, thrift stores and curbside discards are the best places to find treasure.

5.  Birdwatching is one of life’s great pleasures.  One of the first questions she asked me about the tornadoes was whether or not all her bird feeders outside the sunroom survived the storm (most did not).  And – in an effort to look on the bright side of a difficult situation when she found out they had lost 44 trees – she remarked that it might now be easier to keep the squirrels out of the birdfeeders!

6.  Another great delight in life is growing things – especially vegetables and flowers.  I had ZERO appreciation for this as a child who was forced to hoe and seed and water and weed and fertilize and pick every day – at least it seemed like every day. . .

7.  Lasagna from scratch is infinitely better than the pre-packaged stuff.

8.  Raspberries are simply the best fruit ever, especially if they come from your own backyard.

9.  When things are really bad, you only have to get through the next minute and then the next and then the next and eventually you’ll come out on the other side.

10.  You CAN’T remember everything (so make lists!) and you CAN write on anything (well, almost anything . . . except your skin!)

11.  ”Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold.”  Hats off to her loyalty to friends Jo Anne and Marilyn Kaye from her middle school years. Sara and I treasure the middle names we received from them.

12.  If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  And again.  And again.  And again. And then look for different ways to solve the problem.  And then do research on tackling the obstacle.  And above all, never, never, never, never, never, never, never give up.

Love you Mom.  I’m in awe of your absolutely indomitable spirit, your OC-squared (omni-competent, obsessive compulsive) nature, and your incredible perseverance in the face of yet another physical adversity.  You are inspiring!

Happy Birthday!

Kara

July 27, 2011 Truth is stranger than Fiction

Dear friends and family -

Today marks the three month tornado anniversary.  It was a Wednesday exactly 13 weeks ago this morning that sent my parents, Reagan and Donna Benedict, down what has been a tortuous, tiring, thought-provoking, touching path.  As I have tried to chronicle their journey, my intent has been to be as true as possible to the encouragement of Psalm 50:23.  ”He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.”  I need desperately to see the salvation of God in this process and continue to look for points of specific thankfulness to bring about that impact.

**grateful today that Dad officially moved back to his house late Monday night**

**grateful today for a great lead on a caregiver for Mom when she comes home 8/8/11**

On a different note, we’ve had several ironic things happen lately.

1.  All of our cars survived the tornadoes in Birmingham and Tuscaloosa with no damage whatsoever – unbelievable!  Dad’s prized baby, however, recently got bumped while parked on the street in front of our house.  Ouch!

2.  The replacement bedroom furniture we ordered has been delayed.  The factory has experienced difficulty getting white oak because of all the tornado destruction across the Southeast!  I can believe it – there were several white oaks down in Mom and Dad’s yard – it was all we could do to get them to the street for FEMA to haul away and grind into mulch . . .

3.  The night Dad moved back to the house there were huge thunderstorms for about 3 hours – lightning flashing, thunder banging, rain pounding, wind howling – very similar to 4/27.  No one slept well.

Please pray for Dad’s adjustment back to his own house.  He says it is very quiet relative to the testosterone-driven chaos of mine!

Please pray for all of the details of Mom’s return home to fall into place.  I am overwhelmed.

Please pray for our daughter Anna who has Down syndrome and autism.  The last 3 months have been especially difficult for an adolescent who craves structure (but has almost none) and doesn’t have the verbal ability to express anxiety (but has a great deal).  Because of some significant negative behavioral changes recently, her physician has asked that we wean her over the next 2 weeks from a potent drug she’s been on for 5 years.  Pray for my attitude during what could be a very ‘ikey’ process and for the efficacy of the replacement.

Thanks very much for upholding all of us with your encouragement on this journey.

Blessings,

Kara

 

 

July 24, 2011 Won’t You Be A “Deere”?

It’s official!  The discharge date from the skilled nursing rehabilitation facility is set for Monday, 8/8/11.  Between now and then we have a marathon to run in setting up in-home PT and OT, hiring a caregiver for the weekdays and an agency for the weekend, procuring equipment, and plowing through a mountain of paperwork.

We’ve also started the process of replacing clothing lost in the tornado.  For Dad, the first and most important replacement is his stack of exercise t-shirts.  This is a man who loves to walk up and down the hills around his house, timer in hand, headphones on, and a determined look in his eye.  He is known affectionately around the neighborhood as the ‘skinny Santa’.  When we saw this t-shirt, we knew it was a ‘must-have’!

Which leads me to a request.  Mom will celebrate her 76th birthday on August 4. Would you all consider being a ‘deere’ (another classic Southern phrase :0) by sending her a card – silly, serious, something in between – and helping Dad and me collect a big basketful to greet her on her arrival home?  We would be most grateful.  Please send them to her via my address:

Kara Bishop                                                                                                                                             2616 Acton Drive                                                                                                                                   Birmingham, AL   35243

Thanks in advance for your participation.  We appreciate it ‘deerely’!

 

 

 

July 19, 2011 You want to WHAT?!?!?!

Last Friday – July 15 – the skilled nursing rehabilitation facility called a ‘patient care conference’ about Mom.  This was the second meeting of its kind.  She was not present at the first one shortly after admission in early June but last week she was a key participant.  Dietary services, occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, nursing, administration and social services all had a representative there along with Mom and Dad and me.  As each speaker outlined Mom’s progress in their area, it became clear to me that when it got to the end they were going to say in unison, “Prepare for discharge!”  And sure enough, I was right.  The wheels are now in motion to send her home within a month.

Now on the one hand, that is great news – stunning, even, when you consider I’ve been told three different times since April 27 that she probably wasn’t going to make it.  On the other hand, it’s evokes some fear – truthfully, a lot of fear – in me. And when my brain goes into overdrive considering the myriad of details I have to cover between now and then and the huge shift of responsibility from the skilled nursing rehabilitation facility back to Dad and me, I confess my melancholy tendencies kick in.  Dad – (and now here you insert that quintessential Southern phrase) “Bless His Heart” – is fretful as well.

Come Sunday – July 17 – Birmingham welcomed Chuck Colson.  Dad and several family members went to hear him speak while I kept Anna and worked on “the list”.  Before they were even home, I had been texted Mr. Colson’s concluding statement.  ”Fear/despair is a sin that denies the sovereignty of God.”  (I guess my family thought he might be speaking to me even though I wasn’t in the audience.)

As I’ve pondered that statement now for several days, it is clear that Satan tempts me to despair at every turn.  Early on, there was fear that Mom wasn’t going to be alive much longer.  Now that she’s improving, there is fear that I won’t be able to manage providing for her needs at home.  I don’t think the enemy cares which extreme he tempts me to, only that I respond in fear and self-reliance instead of practicing gratitude and leaning into the mystery of sovereignty.

**grateful today for Mr. Colson’s words and witness**
**grateful today for Mom’s incredible progress in the last 12 weeks**

Please pray for the myriad of details that have to be addressed in the next month, particularly the hiring of a competent, compassionate in-home caregiver.

July 17, 2011 Wheatstraw – lots of it!

Good news – we’ve had alot of rain lately.  Bad news – it washes the dirt away now that over 44 trees are gone.

Enter wheatstraw – 4 pallets.  And heat-resistant blue fescue seed.  And a spreader.  And new hoses and sprinklers.  All amounts carefully calculated by the local home and garden store and delivered to Mom and Dad’s garage.

Enter an army of volunteers.  And wala . . .

**grateful for cloud cover for the workers, a soaking rain upon completion and generous souls who covered the shortfall of supplies due to miscalculations**

**grateful – again – for Double Oak Community Church and the Whitley/Cole Sunday School class who cheerfully keep working away at the long list of things to be done around the house**

This photo captures my thoughts well.

Grass seed down :0)  Grill still down :0(

Flowers beds cleaned up :0)  Ravine might never get cleaned up :0(

You can see the backyard!  :0)  You can see the backyard!  :0(

I’m a paper-and-pencil list person.  I love the feel of marking through a completed task and seeing on paper how much has been accomplished. Thankfully – as you can see, I’ve actually had to use the sharpener!

Thankfully, too, God keeps working on me where I am and sent a gentle reminder today that my attitude in the ongoing process, not the end product, is the main thing.

Pray that I will continue to remember that He is infinitely more interested in the softness of my heart than the status of my to-do lists.

 

 

July 12, 2011 Thank you, FEMA!

Today, July 12, 2011, FEMA’s work in Alabama comes to an official end at midnight.  According to today’s Birmingham News, our little neighborhood of Cahaba Heights has had 97% (203,288 cubic yards) of tornado debris removed from the public rights of way.

The good news – look at these before and after pictures . . .

04.27.11

07.10.11

The FEMA director of the debris pile worked long hours and was very accommodating to the neighborhood.  First his crews hauled away all the downed trees and stumps.  Then I went and asked him about damaged trees that were still standing.  He came out to Mom and Dad’s house (only about a half mile away), saw all the broken but still sort-of, kind-of standing trees in their yard, ascertained that ‘yes’ they were clearly tornado damage, approved the pick up of them as debris if we cut them down and got them to the road in a timely manner, and then followed through exactly as he promised.

**grateful today for this government agency that has worked diligently and efficiently in our little part of the world**

The bad news . . .

This is the scene from Mom and Dad’s back porch onto an unoccupied lot that borders them on two sides.  At some point, we’ll probably put in some barrier plants to try and change the view.

And maybe someday they’ll get a new street sign – at least you can see it now!

The work on the house is almost done and we anticipate Dad moving back in a week or less depending on a little plumbing and some phone service that have yet to be done.

Please continue to pray for the ongoing recovery across the Southeast.  Mom and Dad’s rebuilding process has been speedy and smooth thanks in large part to a contractor who has functioned as a tireless advocate for them.  Many others have not been so fortunate.

Please pray for Dad’s return to the house to be anxiety-free.

July 7, 2011 We’re Baaaaaack!

Well.  It’s been an interesting week.  I’m glad to report that Mom sailed through her most recent hospitalization, was successfully anti-coagulated with Lovenox SQ and Coumadin PO, rapidly overcame an infection, exhibited a great attitude throughout and is now back at the skilled nursing rehabilitation facility in full therapy mode.  She is thrilled she avoided a vena cava filter placement by the cardiologist  and glad to know her clots are dissolving as evidenced by the significant decrease in swelling in her legs.

**grateful today for all the prayers offered for her quick recovery from this setback**

**grateful the skilled nursing rehabilitation facility held her bed in anticipation of a quick return** (I am glad to have avoided redoing the 86 pages of admission paperwork again . . . )

While Mom was moving through her obstacles last week with grace and a smile, I was greeting mine with anxiety and a grimace.  I won’t list them. But suffice it to say, a neighbor stopped me while I was out walking and said that if she could, she’d throw a penalty flag on my life for ‘piling on’.  (Remember everything, absolutely everything, in the life of an Alabamian can be related to football!)  The last straw was watching Anna have a complete screaming, head-banging, running, barking meltdown when I tried to drop her off at Camp ASCCA and being utterly incapable of settling her down.  In her, Down syndrome, autism, and puberty are proving to be a volatile mix.  :0(

At my family’s urging, I took a break and walked away from to-do lists, turned off my computer and cell phone for most of 48 hours, left town, slept, and thought about Isaiah 30:15-18.  A few week’s ago our pastor from Texas had challenged me with this passage.  Parentheses are the EKV – exhausted Kara version – interpretation.

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:  ”In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, BUT YOU WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT.  (ouch)  You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’  (I will overcome the fallenness of this situation with organization and to-do lists) Therefore you will flee!  (frenetic activity)  You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’  (I will subdue the chaos in my life by intellectually trying to understand it)  Therefore your pursuers will be swift!  (crazy-making thinking)  A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.”  (as best I understand this, a banner was placed on a hill to summon troops but in this passage they all run away and leave the reader – me – alone, unprotected, vulnerable)  Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!

God offers salvation and strength.  But clearly there is a great deal of volition required on my part – otherwise verse 15 wouldn’t say ‘but you would have none of it’!!  So I’m praying for the ability to choose repentance and rest, quietness and trust.

The five males I left behind didn’t miss a beat without me, Mom was fine, and I got a sweet unexpected text that Anna’s counselor at camp was a friend’s favorite babysitter and though there had been ‘some moments’, she was doing ok.

June 30, 2011 The Good, The Bad, and The (not at all) Ugly!

The Good -

1.  Mom and Dad’s mail is forwarded to our house.  Their phone is supposed to forward to our house but sadly it does not.  So when we opened a forwarded letter from her neurosurgeon saying, “We want to see you but we can’t find you!” I called the office and was told that they had ONE opening in the next 2 weeks and it was for this morning.

**grateful for the neurosurgeon’s persistence at communicating with Mom**     **grateful we got the appointment so quickly**

2.  Today was a beautiful, warm, sunny day for Mom’s first ‘elective’ venture out of the rehab facility.

**grateful for the wheelchair enabled van that came to transport her**

3.  After a battery of x-rays, Dr. Pearson said her back was healing well.

**grateful for his skillful work 9 weeks ago and good news today**

The Bad -

While Mom’s back looks great, her legs do not.  They have continued to swell and be problematic in relearning to walk.  After examination, Dr. Pearson sent her for a Doppler scan which revealed blood clots in both legs.  Suddenly the nice outing on a pretty day turned into another admission to the hospital through the ER. Ugh.  She received an immediate dose of Lovenox and will be restarted on Coumadin asap.  Barring any other hiccups, the process should take 3-4 days and then she can return to the rehab facility.

Pray for the blood clots to dissolve quickly and the adjustment back to a Coumadin regimen to be without incident.

The (not at all) Ugly -

Grand-daughter visits!!

Anna accompanied Mom and Dad and me today on our little outing – pictured here outside what she believes is the ‘beach’ hotel!

Kathleen paid Mom a visit on a break from her camp counselor job in Tennessee – there were smiles all around!

June 25, 2011 Mom officially up, Tree officially down

Editor’s Note:  I do love trees, really I do.  Just not ones that crash into houses and bury people in debris . . .

This journey has felt like a drawn out boxing match between Mom and the tree. Each week is yet another round (we are now in Round 9).  For a while it seemed as though the tree was winning.  It crashed into the house, flattened its opponent initially and rested defiantly on broken  trusses.  Then the counteroffensive began – the tree was lifted off the house (a big right hook) but remained a large, visible presence in the yard.  It was then cut into pieces (some successful uppercuts) and the bigger logs were hauled off.  Slowly the smaller pieces were cut up (multiple quick jabs) and dragged to the street but the huge stump and upturned earth remained.  This week the monster stump grinder paid a visit (a straight on punch) and we now have an official TKO (technical knockout).

  

 

 

 

On the other hand it looked like Mom was instantly KO’ed (knocked out) on 4/27. But Mom is a fighter – never, ever count her out.  The ref started counting to 10 – harrowing gurney ride – 1, broken ribs – 2, pneumothorax – 3, ‘chance’ lumbar fracture – 4, bruised kidney – 5, neurosurgery – 6, rapid blood loss – 7, lacerated spleen – 8, infection – 9, and then she started turning the corner.  Slowly moving from side to side logrolling, pulling on the trapeze bar, tolerating elevation of the head of the hospital bed, dangling on the edge of the bed, transferring to a wheelchair, engaging in seated PT and OT, standing between bars fully supported to now taking steps wearing a back brace, held by a gait belt and using a walker. Drumroll, please!  Tada!  (This was a photo op only – to all my PT friends, yes, I know the gait belt and support person are missing . . . actually the support person in training was napping!)

    

**grateful today for INCREDIBLE progress**  I still do not understand prayer much but this week felt its efficacy intensely.

**grateful this week for successful removal of the indwelling catheter and resolution of some of the renal issues that have plagued recovery**

Pray for continued wisdom about the future.  The house has about another 3 weeks of work left on it – that would be 12 weeks (rounds), the same number as a championship prize fight . . .  :0)  The plan now is for Dad to move back home first, then Mom will come home at some point after that once we get in-home services lined up.  Lots and lots of details to be ironed out.

Pray for Mom’s continued progress in regaining independence in ADL (activities of daily living) skills – ambulating, bathing, dressing, eating and toileting.

**grateful for smiles**